You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
