Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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