just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
