She is in my trunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i think i just naturally attract stoners
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
