Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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