Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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