i may or may not be watching the land before time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
