I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
