I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
