I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
