My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
