I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
