also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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