In the future we'll all be gay
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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