I got chris browned last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
