Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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