She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
