Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
