i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
