I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
