I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
