'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
