He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
