Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
