he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
