official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
