I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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