if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
