Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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