how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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