Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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