quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
