i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
