she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
