Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
