DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
