May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
