happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
