Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
