the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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