Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He keeps bees of course he's weird
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
