I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
