My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
