You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
