3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
