If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
