she looked like the before picture.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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