I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
