Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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