How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
