I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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