I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
