how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
