my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
