the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
