somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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